CRIPPLER'S LAIR

Only God Can Judge Me

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Ahmad Fathi - The Only Way

Sometimes I hear myself say
Why can't this feeling go away?
This feeling of fear resides
Whenever you're not by my side

Even though we're not together
I just want you forever
Seeing you is insufficient
I want your love and affection

Your smile is what i crave for
I've never felt this feeling before
But this feeling will disappear
Because you are never here

The only way to make you love me
Is to make you know me
To make you see me
Who I'd rather be

Deep down my heart bleeds
Pumping with unregular beats
I'd do anything to get you
For you can make my day through

Friday, May 13, 2005

Take This And Shut The Hell Up!

To set the record straight, Nina if you are reading this, i didnt go around telling people that you were my girlfriend! Stop assuming things will you for heaven sake. Do you think i would go around telling people that you were my girlfriend of six days? Haha. What a jest! Anyway, i did tell my 2 close buddies and Azlan knew about you and me even before you got your arse posted to JJC. As you know, Azlan will tell his close friends and do you get it now? Sigh! Anyway Talib, stop tagging my blog with stupid comments that meant nothing! 2 years? That's nothing lah! I've read this theory, i think by Murphy, do you know who he is anyway?, that long term boy-girl relationship won't last till marriage and this theory is highly accurate according to him and the survey that was done. Haha! I dont know whether its real but i hope you'll find it out for me. If you make it to the top, tell me because i'll be glad to hear it. All the best ah member! No hard feelings aight? We're even now! So Nina, i hope i've clear the misunderstanding! If that guy wasnt me that u mentioned in your blog, so be it. Aight? Peace! Well, that's that! Hmm...our rugby campaign wasnt so good. We finally didnt make it to the top 4. What a waste. We squandered our chance to be in the top 4 and we were in such an easy group. We lost to NYJC and they made it to the top 4 instead. Hahahahaha. PJC also didnt qualify and who is laughing now? Muahaha! Jerks! Well, we played pretty well against NYJC but too bad our fitness killed us. The match went pretty well with us tied in the first half. Well, everybody expected me to last only for 20min but i made it to the 2nd half. What an achievement. I didnt do much tackling though but i managed to get involved in most of the ruck. I'm not saying i'm good or whatever but i'm happy with myself for giving 100% for that game. I cleared rucks like there's no tomorrow. I just let my forwards, 2 of them at most, and then i waited at the back like a wild boar waiting to gore. Then, i sprinted to my forwards' asses and hammer at the same time pushing back the opponent's ruck behind. It was my best match so far in my rugby career. I didnt get to play much last year and so here i'm wanting to prove others wrong both in rugby and academics. For the scrum, we managed to hold them most of the time and at times, we too managed to drive them back. Not bad! It's all about technique. For me, playing as tight prop is easy. In the scrum, i'll just shrug my right shoulder up to prevent my opposite number's head from entering the scrum. Once he's uncomfortable in the scrum, he'll not be able to drive or hook. Secondly, i'll just let my weight fall by dropping my knees and this will bring down the opponent as well. In this low position, he can't drive properly. Once both the first rows are in the low position, what i did was to jolt up and this will suspend the opponents' first row in the mid air. Hmm..it didnt really work most of the time because we're pretty slow but it works with the police forward pack. Our last group match was against RJC at RI's field. It was disastrous. We lost 82-0. First half score was 51-0 but when coach put back all the star players on the bench, RJC managed only to take further 31 points only to make it 81-0. The first half 2nd team tackle d like pussies and they got scolding from Selamat. Muahaha. When me, Anand, Hamid and Canton entered, we played and tackled like the team from hell. I tore my left shoulder muscle during one of the tackling. It really hurts and when i told Kai and Ikhsan that i couldnt feel my left arm, they didnt believe me and asked me to play on. What the hell! Haha. I was a one-armed rugger for that moment. I managed to do one gd side tackle, one take down, one lift tackle and almost managed to life tackle this fat RJC prop. He smiled at me after the game. One of the ESPN's Rugby Show pundit refeered our game against RJC. He said he likes us better than RJC in terms of team spirit and we respect the opponent. Well done JJC! However, i think we still need to do better to beat CJC in our next game for the plate semis but too bad i cant play because of my injury. I hope the team will make it! Anyway, talking about academics, i've just passed my previous maths test on Numerical Analysis and First Order Differentiation. Guess my score? 20.5/25. Still have room for improvement. I think i've to cajole my friends to work extra hard especially my classmates. Well, what friends are for? Hmm...life in school has been pretty good. No mischief this time around. 5 more months to A level. Will i make it? Will i get good grades? Insha-allah! I'm really jealous seeing my friends getting into Uni especailly my buddy Sadiq. Can you believe that he managed to enter NUS under Arts and Social Science. I salute you brother! Haha. To all my friends especially Talib the Man, all the best for your future endeavour. Till we meet again...

Sunday, May 01, 2005

My Wounded Pride

It has been a long week and it's been a while since i last blog. Well, life's pretty boring. School? School's been great. I passed my first maths test on integration and i'm still not happy about it. Still not there yet. Hmm...I'm not sure about my physics test because the teacher have yet to give us back our script. I have confidence in this one and i think i'll pass. I have yet to take my first econs test and pass it. It's next tuesday if i'm not wrong. It will be on National Income Accounting, Theory Of Income Determination and Unemployment. This is going to be fun! Haha. Hmm...let's talk about rugby. Well, Team JJC won our first match against SRJC and we even thrashed them. The score was 22-5. Not bad for a weak team like us but i'm proud to be part of it. Hmm...i only played 20mins and i dare say that it was an achievement looking at my sorry fitness level. I managed to do 2 super crash, muahaha, and one hard head on tackle as well as a lift tackle. Haha. Nobody's perfect! I did some error too like hand in the ruck twice and illegal tackle. Haha. Our second match was pathetic. We were the favourites to win but we blew it away. I didn't get to play and i'm still puzzled about that. I still don't know why coach didnt put me in for the last 20min. I told him that i didn't want to start because i was really nervous but i managed to overcome my nervousness soon after. Still, coach didn't put me in for the second half. I will not forgive him for this. Our team's forward pack is puny compared with PJ's and as it suggest, obviously we lose out in terms of strength but we offset our lack of size with our blistering speed. However, it is still our fitness that haunts us. We started the match pretty well with the first try. Then the PJ fought back with a try on their own through their forward. After that, we went ahead with Anand's try but they equalise after that. The score was tied at 12 all still with about 20mins to play. The PJ guys showed us why they were a force to be reckon with with nice forward play with a combination of nice kicking tactics by their backs. Our fullback, Hamid, was equal to the challenge. No knock-on at all by him. It is still our backs that is giving the team problems especially the 3Qs except Anand. We have lots of opportunity but sadly, Gen blew it away with some atrocious handling errors. I don't blame him for this because he's nervous i guess. I would make the same mistake too if i'm a newbie like him. Well, we lose as a team and we win as a team. PJC beat us with a late dying second try by their backs after a mistake by Anand for pulling the maul down. It's not his fault because he was alone there pushing the opponent's driving maul. Our forwards looked dead after the departure of Alex. After PJ's captain took his conversion kick and missed it, the stupid old bat referee, Anthony, blew the final whistle to put an end to the game. I fell backwards on the reserve bench in disbelief. I hate this feeling of losing to PJC because i really hate them very much especially their captain, who is also their scrumhalf at that game. Well, atleast Anand managed to break one of their player's shin. I still hate the stupid feeling. Arghh! Bleargh! Fuck PJC! Shit! Well, what can i say? The better team won! I respect them for playing good rugby. However, i'm still unhappy with the fact that i didnt get to play against PJC 2 years in a row. What the hell! We have a huge mountain to climb if we still want to get into the top 4 spots. We have to really trash NYJC and have to muffle RJC's onslaught. The least we could do is to defend well against RJC and score well against NYJC. Oh boy, what a mountain to climb but i have a feeling that we're going to make it eventually and we shall have the last laugh. I shall laugh at PJC after we win man! They sucks to the max! The mood wasnt there at all. After the match, we were all doing our own stuff. I managed to talk to Anand about the game just now. After the talk, we went for 6 rounds around the field. Then by the side of the field, there was Miss Polar, the hot chinese girl i've been talking about. People said that she isnt hot at all but i guess they dont know how to look at real beauty. I shant say who she is. Yeah yeah yeah. Stop saying that i like so many girls! That's not the problem. The problem is that all the girls that i like, none likes me! So, what's wrong with liking so many girls. Hey, I'm a fateful guy if i've got a girlfriend! Haha. I think i talk too much at times. Shut up Ahmad. Well, those guys who said Miss Polar ain't a beauty, you guys are all turds, stupid fools who don't know how to appreciate true beauty. Haha. The quest to find my boo will go on but not now lah! A level is my priority. Haha. Well, i met up with Sadiq yesterday and we had a long talk. I miss him and his stupid jokes. We smoke and smoke and drink coke and tea katai. Muahaha. His life seems to be fine. Maybe the JJC Malaygangstar of year 2003-2004 should have a re-union or something! Anyway, i just want to say that it's not that i'm avoiding Nina but i just don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. I think she commented about me in her blog saying that i can't get over with the past. It's true that i can't get over with the past but what i'm doing to her, which is to avoid her, is one way for me to forget about the past or atleast by avoiding her, i can avoid thinking about the past. If you guys understand me. Well, some people never change. Still the same old Nina Liana Roslan. This i think is a lesson from God. I think i've hurt many people in my life and so this is my retribution. Whatever it is, Nina i want you to know that i've got no hard feelings for you. Is this the price i've got to pay currently for falling in love in the past? Sigh, i guess the lesson that i've learnd from our rugby loss and nina is that what done is done, let's look forward. Well, to all friends out there whom i know, wish you guys and gals all the best in whatever you guys do. Don't forget me aight? Haha. Adios!